I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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