Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
