Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I could fuck to npr.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
