$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
