we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
