he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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