Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...