I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
