yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
