I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
