It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
