1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
