I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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