i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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