I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
