I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
