i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
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