All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
