I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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