Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
