A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in your delicious
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize