Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
3pm strippers are depressing
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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