I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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