you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
