We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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