He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
