I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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