I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
