i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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