Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
