This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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