I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
