He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas