oh good, I think they're gone
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."