Texts From Last Night

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  (361): View more from Texas

  is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?

  (702): View more from Nevada

  not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning

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  (361): is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time? (702): not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning http://tfl.nu/nxoz
  Replies (23) Good night (2668) Bad night (4348)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'

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  (541): His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.' http://tfl.nu/mg36
  Replies (9) Good night (1003) Bad night (5358)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.

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  (330): I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage. http://tfl.nu/ny20
  Replies (16) Good night (1648) Bad night (6206)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.

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  (971): I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer. http://tfl.nu/l4im
  Replies (12) Good night (4529) Bad night (953)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  no. you cant fuck a burger.

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  (215): dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house (1-215): no. you cant fuck a burger. http://tfl.nu/5325
  Replies (9) Good night (2566) Bad night (1021)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am

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  (774): My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am http://tfl.nu/yrwz
  Replies (8) Good night (966) Bad night (1635)
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex

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  (226): This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex http://tfl.nu/70co
  Replies (7) Good night (1878) Bad night (1016)
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  (408): View more from California

  dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out

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  (408): dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out http://tfl.nu/y59w
  Replies (4) Good night (537) Bad night (1323)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.

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  (606): after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls. http://tfl.nu/ni37
  Replies (17) Good night (5572) Bad night (836)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.

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  (570): You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road. http://tfl.nu/405b
  Replies (5) Good night (1438) Bad night (469)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.

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  (443): Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude. http://tfl.nu/yo4l
  Replies (3) Good night (541) Bad night (979)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway

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  (262): say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway http://tfl.nu/917j
  Replies (16) Good night (1214) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."

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  (818): Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy." http://tfl.nu/kcv8
  Replies (2) Good night (1033) Bad night (383)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.

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  (469): Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda. http://tfl.nu/k07e
  Replies (1) Good night (643) Bad night (297)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.

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  (630): like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant. http://tfl.nu/ihww
  Replies (7) Good night (336) Bad night (769)

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