***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day