Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Just mADE A PArabola og urine

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  (973): Just mADE A PArabola og urine http://tfl.nu/uqi6
  Replies (9) Good night (1770) Bad night (639)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.

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  (630): I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing. http://tfl.nu/6g2i
  Replies (17) Good night (1319) Bad night (3957)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?

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  (440): I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went? http://tfl.nu/9bmv
  Replies (8) Good night (5781) Bad night (1116)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.

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  (740): She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life. http://tfl.nu/9d1v
  Replies (11) Good night (863) Bad night (4973)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"

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  (702): So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this" http://tfl.nu/lsrz
  Replies (17) Good night (4261) Bad night (1597)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list

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  (914): I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list http://tfl.nu/bjw0
  Replies (18) Good night (5130) Bad night (760)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?

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  (727): Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail? http://tfl.nu/rsvd
  Replies (3) Good night (2064) Bad night (918)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.

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  (313): Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck. http://tfl.nu/ib4p
  Replies (4) Good night (2177) Bad night (1542)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room

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  (406): don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room http://tfl.nu/gche
  Replies (2) Good night (446) Bad night (779)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night

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  (931): Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night http://tfl.nu/chyx
  Replies (8) Good night (764) Bad night (1421)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.

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  (616): If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there. http://tfl.nu/w9jg
  Replies (6) Good night (1566) Bad night (691)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another

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  (248): maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another http://tfl.nu/vil6
  Replies (6) Good night (882) Bad night (1052)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's gameday bitch. Man up.

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  (336): I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged. (412): It's gameday bitch. Man up. http://tfl.nu/dewp
  Replies (2) Good night (1499) Bad night (655)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.

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  (618): I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away. http://tfl.nu/0di0
  Replies (9) Good night (909) Bad night (693)
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  (760): View more from California

  He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.

  (619): View more from California

  he what???

  (760): View more from California

  Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.

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  (760): He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came. (619): he what??? (760): Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans. http://tfl.nu/7sag
  Replies (6) Good night (2039) Bad night (381)

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