If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.