I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
