I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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