I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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