did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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