this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish i was in the wii world.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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