Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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