the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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