so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
