so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
