just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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