Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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