I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
