I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
