he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.