So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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