Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.