I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.