I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dicks are not precious.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
