a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
