Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
