i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
