She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
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If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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