This beer is not sobering me up at all
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
