I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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