the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Randomize
