I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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