I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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