Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
