Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
