dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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