Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
