But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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