Yo dont text me then not text me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
