Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
